Outlander 306, A. Malcolm: A Family Viewing Recap.

Outlander 306 A Malcolm; A Family Viewing Recap

A little background: I accidentally got my dad hooked on the Outlander series (book and show). Now, I am tortured with Outlander related questions from him. I don't really mind it at all. I've read the series several times. My dad, is not a reader. He does Audible. So do I; no big deal. Unfortunately, he listens to the books while falling asleep. As a result of this, his knowledge of some events can be spotty, if not totally non-existent. He also has an annoying flair for the obvious. Mom hasn't read or listened to the books, has no desire to, and is kind of snarky. This is my recap of a viewing with my mom and dad.    

"I feel as if this would be better worn around your waist, with no pants."

1. "That's Madame Jeanne." Thanks, Dad.

2. "She's a big flirt" Um, duh. If we're being honest, I'd be trying to land that towering Scot as a regular if I was MJ. Just sayin'.

3.  Jamie enters the printshop: "He didnt unlock the door! Who started the fires? Lit the candles?" 
Dad, can we just assume that he has someone who does that for him and move on?

4.  *BURP* "Excuse me."-Dad

5.  Dad: "Man, that would have been a good time to to tell Claire about Leerygh...Leery"
Me:  "Oh, Leg-hair? Yeah  that would have been a good time but--
Dad: "WHAT? Is that what you call her?" 
Yikes. Can of worms, opened.

6.  Cock blocked by Geordi..

"So as you can see, it's a convenient location. It even has free porn!"

7.  I have a sneaking feeling Dad's going to have some things to say about Willoughby.

8.  "He was a foot fetishist! Not an elbow licker!" 

      Say it with me Dad, "adaptation"

9.  Does She want you? Wait let me see. She traveled 1000 miles, 200 years back in time, made a flippin' dress ,a lined jacket, and foundation garments. Yeah. She wants you.

10.  Cock blocked again! Thanks Pauline!

"Now that you mention it, I am pretty hungry. Is there sausage? I prefer the foot long."

11.  Well, that was a nice dinner.  How 'bout a nice game of Parcheesi? Whist? No? Whatever will we do to pass the time?

12. "Will ye come to bed?"  I feel like there was a real missed opportunity here for Claire. She could have said, "To bed or to sleep?" Lolz, That's why I don't write for the show. (You know, that, and I am in no way qualified.)

13. "THAT DRESS DOESN'T HAVE A ZIPPER!"

"Foundation garments worthy of  the Thieves Hole in Crainsmuir"

14.  "Oh. There it is"

15.  My mom re: the zipper. "Witchcraft!"
Haha mom. That was season one.

  
16.  Dad: "So no Jessica Gutenberg?"
Facepalm.

17.  Mom re: undressing:  "Jesus! get on with it!" My mom is all of us.

18. < Insert long dissertation from my father on the Batsuit vs. the Booksuit. That's all you really need to hear.>

19. Mom re: Jamies naked body: "Claire probably forgot how fu*cked up his back was."  I just figured out where my snark came from.

"Yep.That sh!t is pretty fu*ked. Dat ass tho"

20.  Damn. That was some sex. There is dead silence from the Parent Gallery.

"Don't be gentle. I want to need to take 20 years worth of Sitz baths when we're done"

                  

21.  I didn't know it was possible to be quite so uncomfortable while watching tv with my parents.  

22.  Mom, re: Claire's ivory breasts: "They don't get out much." Love that woman. 

23.  Is it just me or is Jamie being shifty AF about his means of income?

24.  Yep, shifty.

Forget your questions; look at my ass.

25.  Well, hello there Jamie's buns.

  

26.  I have decided to rename this episode Throw Down at Bonetown. So much gazing happening.  

27.  The fringe on the ginge is horrible...  Here's to hoping we don't have to see that again.

   

28.  Finally,  The Great Scot coughed it up with "a wee bit of smuggling" Smuggling what, you ask? All the alcohols!

29.  Mom re: Claires line of Madame Jeanne questioning: "Oh God, get over yourself          Claire" I'm getting a feeling my mom has lost patience with Claire.

30. "Here comes Young Ian"-Dad

31.  The Whores Brunch. That was priceless. Claire gives zero fucks. I like that about her.

32.  Claire manages to get herself into trouble after what? Two hours in Edinburgh? She      could do better I think.  

Fin.

Thanks for reading!